I ran!

I got some new running shoes, and I ran! I felt silly at first, especially as I left our apartment complex, but as I got going, I loved it! I used to run cross-country in high school and honestly I thought my body would never get there again. But I ran! Ran for about a half hour with a couple rest stops. no idea how far I ran. As I was heading home I was trying to think about a good reward for this accomplishment and I realised that running again is the reward. Really. I'm so proud of myself :)

think this is the week!

Three weeks ago I took up cross country skiing. I have really enjoyed it. I ski about 60 minutes each time, sometimes more, usually 3-4 kms, but sometimes up to 8km. Soon as the snow melts (I live in Siberia) I'm going to take up running ! I haven't run since high school! Can't believe I have made such a difference in my life that I can do that again!!!

I haven't shown any weight loss these last three weeks, but I have a feeling Monday is going to be the day. I can feel my new jeans aren't as tight as when I bought them :) Actually, truthfully I have been kinda in a stuck place since, well, new years. That's why I decided to kick up the exercise. I have heard it takes a few weeks for a serious change in exercise to show up on the scales, what with all the sore muscles and stuff.

So, wish me luck for Monday. I think that the dry spell is over and this is my week. Even if its not, I have non-number focused goals and I am heading for those!!

My husband and I have decided to take running seriously. He has all the goals fined tuned and scheduled. (I can't remember them all that well!) I know that 10k is the goal by the end of summer (September?) and the ultimate goal is a marathon!! WOW, I said that. Reckon it will take 5 years to get there...

back on track :)

My period finally came 23 days late. My body is definately relieved. I feel a bit emotional, I really had got my hopes up. But now after a few days getting my head around it I am ready to get back on track and who knows? maybe I can get finished with those last 13kg before the next baby comes! Wouldn't that be great? No more trying to find plus sized maternity clothes :) I've lost more than a kilo in the last three days, while my body drains all that water etc. it had been holding on to. I also feel more in control, less swayed by cravings and emotional eating. My husband and I have made a menu for evening meals, so I should have a little more stability there :)
Also, opened the first jar of preserved raspberries that I canned in the autumn. Yummy! In winter it can be hard here to find enough fresh fruit and veggies.

phantom pregnancy

I gained two weeks in a row! :( I have had other gains along the way but this is the first time ever two weeks in a row. Thankfully I didn't make it three and I was down this week, (although not as down as I had come up) My period is also totally out of wack, (3 weeks late now!) but 4 negative preg tests should have me convinced its not that. still confusing. How long should I wait before I go to a doctor? bearing in mind that this is totally unusual for me, and also hat Im living in a foreign country where going to the doctor is not just easily done.

FINALLY back at water areobics this morning, which felt real good, I also went friday. They closed over the holidays which I'm sure also contributed to two weeks gain. And our daughter did not have kinder those weeks so there went my 2 half hour walks to drop her off and pick her up. plus all the new years candy ;P

Gonna buy a new swim suit when I get to 80kg.

free fall

I'm in a bit of a free fall, and I don't really know how to stop, mostly cause I haven't yet decided to stop. Stupid chocolates in fancy gift boxes all over the house, and left over white chocolate in the fridge. I'm sick of mandarines and that's mostly all I can get right now. Almost want to open a can of raspberries that I put up few months ago, but I don't want to yet! I have peaches, I should eat some canned peaches. Still no period, second pregnancy test also negative, now 7 days over. Arggg.

not the best start to the new year :S

So, after an awesome Christmas loss I have promptly followed that with a new years gain :S I am not happy about that. Why do I go up and down like this? Some of it is water retention. I am also 4 days late but the test comes up negative. I'm sure that has something to do with this weeks gain, both physically and emotionally. Kinda not sure where I am right now.

A Christmas Loss??

A Christmas loss? is that even possible :D Never expected it, I was prepared to just be glad if I gained an amount small enough to recover from in a week, ie, less than a kilo. But a loss??!! Yipee!! Please don't feel bad if you didn't loose over Christmas, I'm just so happy. I checked it the next morning and the next morning too, because I was sure someone had been messing with my scales, I'm rather paranoid about them even being moved. I was preparing to take measurements (that's what I do when I have a gain or a STS, because the loss is almost always marked somewhere, especially if the issue is water retention) Plan from here: not to follow a good week with a bad one :D

Also, recently I was someones inspiration to try weight watchers for themselves. Feels good :)

ProPoints

So today was my first day tracking ProPoints on the new system. Most of my saved recipes didn't convert, but since I didn't have too many of them I just deleted them. I figure that I will learn more about the new plan by entering and calculating recipes again and let's face it, I hardly ever cook the same thing more than once, and never exactly the same way.

So, how do I feel about the new plan? Mostly I'm feeling positive about it. I really get the feeling that it is based in true and current scientific research on weight loss. I think that there is still more for me to learn about how a body processes and uses different kinds of foods and I think that by learning the new plan I will learn the best things for my body.

I love that fruit has moved to point free! But I can't help but think this is cheating somehow :)

I'm worried that it will be too hard for me to adjust to the new points calculation after so long on the old points program. All my built in estimation I have developed is now out the window and so I kinda feel like I'm starting from square one. I think this will be the kick up the butt I need to start the next phase of weight loss off right. At least I am determined to take it that way!

I really like the idea of weekly points, especially compared to points borrowing which I never managed to do honestly :P I think it will help me see occasional treats as good and normal not as failures or weakness.

My online tracker did not convert seemlessly which is a dissapointment as I mentioned. The database has changed in more than just the points values - they've changed some of the entries. For example, I had chicken stock cubes in one recipe and the database now has it listed as 'stock cubes, chicken' or something and I would have had to go through and find all those things myself. How annoying.

I'm feeling a little sceptical that WW are just out to get more of my money (but that's silly - so far the fees haven't changed:) Maybe there were too many knock offs available on the market. But, truth is its probably more accurate. I had found that sometimes I was staying within my points and still not loosing weight. It seemed to matter HOW I spent the points as well, so maybe the new plan has accounted for this.

Will it change my eating habits? I think so. Take breakfast for example, my cereal is still the same, which is good, oatmeal seems to have gone down ?! thats cool. But my occasional comfort breakfast of french toast and maple syrup will now cost me a lot more points that it did before. Hmmm, maybe I'll have to use weekly points for that one, maybe that's a plan.

Anyway, how are the rest of you finding ProPoints? I kinda wish I could go to a meeting and get a bit of a presentation on it, but such is life...

PS. I hear theres an iPhone app for this one? Should check that out.

hypnosis for weight loss

A while back I was reading on the WW message boards and someone mentioned a weight loss hypnosis program with the comment: "what can it hurt?". Initially my reaction was something along the lines of "that silly girl, weight loss is gonna take more work than she thinks it will", and if what your looking for is a quick fix hypnosis not going to help. But the more I thought about it, the more I began to realise how hopeless people must feel when they don't have God to turn too, or have forgotten they can, or are not willing to. Because just like anything in life, there is a spiritual dynamic to weight loss too. We are spiritual beings, and we search for spiritual significance in everything we do. I think generally, people are aware of this again in our day. Which is why personally, I think there is potential danger in hypnosis for weight loss. Think about it this way, you are turning over control of your eating habits to an unknown entity, or spiritual reality. Its the spiritual equivilent of opening your front door to strangers. It can hurt. But more to the point - weight loss success will have more to do with learning to control yourself and your food habits than handing over control to someone else. Along these lines, there is a verse in the new testament where 'self-control' is listed among the fruits of the Holy Spirit of God. What this means is when I relinquish control of my life to God I don't become a puppet, because one of his purposes in my life is to help teach me and give me self-control. So, unlike hypnosis, turning to God the creator will not mean giving up control, but rather gaining it. And, you can know the God who you are turning to, he's done everything nessisary so we can approach him directly, so unlike hypnosis, you are not relating to an unknown spiritual reality, but a loving, caring Father. And there's one other advantage. If God created our bodies then he knows exactly how they run the best, so there is no one better to ask for weight loss advice.

settling in

Had a STS (stay the same) this week, well technically a loss of .1 but not like that counts. I'm actually not disapointed as I didn't put in a lot of effort. I was in control, and allowed some treats this week. I guess I slacked off a bit. The good thing to realise is that this is the amount of effort that I will need to put in in order to not regain weight once I reach my goal. It is still effort, and it takes conscious control not to gain, and even more to loose.

I wrote a bit of a metaphor for someone in an email this week comparing loosing weight to loosing an accent. Having experience in both I can confidently say that they are equally hard. And interesting they both carry heavy prejudice in the workplace and in society.

Putting in loss-type effort so far this week. Gonna be a good one!

got away with it

Well, I lost .2kg Got away with it, but barely, and I am not celebrating. I'm glad I didn't throw in the towel on the whole week. That was what I was tempted to do. Starting today I am planning to have a good week of tracking, and I'm going to water aerobics tonight. Thanks Effie for your encouragement! Your accountability kept me out of the chocolate last night :)

Ps. The picture is one of my recent favourites that a friend took :)

Nervous :S

Happy Anniversary to us! 8 years hubby and me, two kids and lots of great memories together. I now weigh what I think I would have weighed around our wedding. I don't really know, I used to avoid scales like they might kill me! And my wedding dress is back in Australia so can't even try that on right now. Friend of mine was looking at our wedding pictures recently and she said I'm now smaller than I was then, but I'm not sure.

So, we went out, and I had a seafood platter that was just seafood and veggies no sign of butter and sauce on the side only, so that should have been fairly points friendly. In Australia or Canada apparently I probably could have looked up a restraunt's online menu and worked out the actual points! No such thing here of course, but like I've said many times - that is never going to be my excuse. But I know I blew it on the appetisers Chicken wings? Stupid move, and I did have garlic bread :( Bad, Bad. It gets worse -

Canadian thanksgiving was this week. I used the small plates and only filled it once. But I did have pie too. And I didn't track ANY of it!! :( No idea of the damage. Trying to not go into that "this week is totally shot might as well stuff it!" mode, just trying to pull it together and finish off the week well.

My cheaters WI this morning though did not look promising. Any chance I can fix this by monday? Not likely because this weekend's schedule doesn't look like I'm going to be able to fit in any water aerobics.

Feeling nervous. I'll post monday and let you know the damage done and decide whether it was worth it.

broke 90kg!

Did my Monday morning WI this morning. I weigh in at home because I do online only. 89.7 very happy with that!

Little sad to say goodbye to one more point a day :( Guess I'll get used to it :(

Couple months after I started WW 18months ago, my husband asked my what goal was my personal goal because the 71 set by WW was just to hard to imagine. I told him 90kg. And that's where I am this morning - and this is not the end! I can actually picture 71 now and I know I have what it takes to get there!

Somehow I know I will have to read this myself in about a week when I'm feeling discouraged again, but having felt it and wrote it here helps :)

gain again :(

Yes, I did gain this week, and a lot!!! :( Monday morning weigh in was back up to 91.6!! Felt awful. Couple of things happened this week but it wasn't going over my points that got me. I think that last weeks huge loss was not actually real, just as I suspected after being sick my body fought back to an equalibrium. So some of that loss was not actual loss, and also some of this monday's gain was not actual gain either, just a bit bloated as I weighed in at 91.0 the next morning. Thank goodness for mid-week checks! It helps me understand that ups and downs from day to day as much as a kilo are just normal and part of this whole game. THe point is to keep going, changes are only visable in the long term, like monthly, but habits are formed in the daily. So on one hand I'd like to say I'm only going to weigh in once a month, but on the other hand I know that that won't keep me motivated daily. Weekly is probably the best balance.

African peanut fish stew 2.5 points plus rice

Had a guest tonight who teaches English here. He's from Cameroon and hasn't been there in over a year. So I decided to do something new. I got brave and looked up Cameroon's national dish online! I found a few recipes and some instructions, went to the market for ingredients ( had to substitute a few) and gave it a try. I thought it was very yummy, but I don't dare call it Ndole, that would be presumptious, so I'm calling it African peanut fish stew. And I was very pleased to find out it only worked out to 2.5 points per serve! (plus rice).

Boil the stalks and leaves of two turnips (the original is bitterleaf, but I don't know where to find that outside of Africa)
Fry an onion and garlic, and add 4 chopped tomatoes, add this into the soup mixture.
Grind up 80-100 g of salted roasted peanuts till they are kinda half chopped and pour in
half a hot pepper
salt and pepper to taste

Let this simmer for a while to build the flavours

Add 2 fish fillets chopped in bite sized pieces, and stop stirring so as to not break them up as they cook.

Serve over rice and garnish with dried banana slices and parsley.

The taste was so different! I always think of peanuts as a sweet item, but they were awesome in this stew. I let it boil down more than I should and so didn't have as much stock as would have been nice. Overall I loved it! I don't think our African guest was as impressed as I accidently led him up to think by telling him I had tried to make his country's national dish! but he seemed to enjoy it.

being sick

whopping big loss this week! 1.5kg! just when I was complaining that I couldn't loose it like I used to :)
I've been sick this week with lots of aches and pains, headaches etc. Earlier this week I got to water aerobics a couple times, and then during my sick days (no stomach problems) I just didn't have much of an appetite. My poor family got the most boringest food this week :( But I managed to stop eating when my tummy was full.
Little concerned that this big loss will lead into a small gain next week, (why am I such a pessimist?). Last time I was sick it was early in the week and I noticed that my body balanced itself out by gaining a little in the days after I felt better. This time I had weigh in right after being sick, so we'll see.
Actually, I was almost ready to buy a pregnancy test it felt so much like morning sickness. Even the "stinky fridge" problem I've had with both my pregnancies. My period came right on schedule, but could it have been? guess theres really no point in wondering...

how's it going then?

So, there have been alot of things on my mind that I haven't written about, and now I forget most of them! Oh well...
Lost a half a kilo this week, and I guess that's nothing to sneeze at but somehow its just not as rewarding as the kilos and 1.5 kilos that I used to get. According to my online tracker .5 is now my average. That makes it my new goal to keep it that way. There have been 2 gains and a couple stay the sames since I joined online in April. Just keep swimming!
Very happy that the water aerobics have started up again this week, been twice already. (thanks hubby!!)
Went shopping for clothes again yesterday. I find it really hard to pick my size in the second hand stores these days. The sizing is completely crazy here because clothes are coming from Europe, North America and China, all of which have their own sizing system, so that's no help, but I used to be able to more or less pick my size by looking at them. Now I pull something off the rack and I'm almost embarrassed to carry it back to the change rooms because I'm sure someone is going to look at me and think "who is she kidding? that will never fit her!" And then even as I'm trying it on I'm thinking as I put my arms or legs in "by the time this reaches my tummy I won't be able to pull it on the rest of the way!" and its totally weird when it does :) I bought three jumpers (sweaters) and a wall/winter coat. Still couldn't find a pair of jeans. I'm down to 2 (two!!!) pairs of pants that fit and they both require constant tugging to keep them up. Not that I'm complaining :)

I haven't been very active on the WW boards recently. Honestly, I'm finding it a bit discouraging welcoming back all the people who are on atempt 2 or 3. I mean absolutely no disrespect to those ladies and I sincerely wish them all the best at it this time around. I'm writting about this here not there because the last thing I would want to do is discourage any of them, but this is my blog and the place for me to think through my thoughts. I think the reason I find it discouraging is the assumption that no one ever gets it the first time around. This is my first try at WW (except for when I had to stop when I got pregnant, but I still consider this a continuation of the same journey). Its really my first time at weight loss too, I've fluctuated up and down over the years (mostly up!) but never made a deliberate effort to get to a goal weight. But I read about these other ladies multiple attempts and I feel like maybe I'm fooling myself about doing this right the first time, and it makes me doubt if it really works if they can't do it. I mean if only a small percentage of those who start out make it what makes me think I'll be one of the lucky few? Its kinda the anti-thesis to reading the success stories. I don't want to judge second or third timers or resent them so I'm kinda laying off the message boards for a while.

where else would I go?

So, recently I thought about quitting and giving up (we all think about it right?). But I realised that I literally can't quit. I mean what else would I do? I have become convinced of the simple truth that what you eat increases your mass and what you do spends it. Its a simple economy really, and the points system helps you measure the approximate value of each item in and out. And I now know its true. (why did it take me so long to get this? its not rocket science!)
It can be hard sometimes, controlling what I eat and realizing its value, motivating myself to be just a little more active and working at good nutrition. But are there really any other options? Its a simple fact of creation, that's the way the body works. Its just the truth. And now that I've figured that out I can just relax into living a lifestyle that reflects the truths I have learned.
Sure I could quit paying my WW membership. But that doesn't change the math of what I put into my body - minus activity = net gain or loss. Other diets might boil down to this same principle, some don't (!), that's why they don't work.
So there is no way for me to quit. :)
Kinda reminds me of what Simon Peter said to Jesus after many of his followers started abandoning him. Peter had become so convinced of the simple truth that Jesus' was the saviour sent by God that he answered : "where else would I go? you have the words of eternal life!"
Once you know something is the truth, either you start living it or you play games and try to ignore the truth, hoping it will change.

broccoli pizza pie 4.5 points/serve

I used a fat free pizza base for this pie because puff pastry is off the charts high points and pie dough not far behind.
My pizza base:
1 3/4 cup flour
half a packet of yeast
salt (more than you think you need)
water enough to knead it well

I told my husband that I was making broccoli pie and he asked could it please have chicken in it too? Afterwards he said if he'd known it was going to be with eggs than he might have been ok without the chicken. I tend to agree (well I should hope I would- that was my original idea!)

Roll out dough on baking paper.
Cup the edges of the dough up to hold ingredients.

2 chicken breasts chopped (half fried without oil in a non-stick pan)
lots of frozen broccoli
100g of low fat ricotta (this I think could be left out too)
4 beaten eggs
salt and pepper
tomato pieces
spring onion

After baking I cut the broccoli pie into 6 pieces, and served it with a fresh salad, with homemade vingearette (spoonful of healthy oil in this) We all enjoyed it. Even Abigail (5) liked it once we called it "chicken pizza"!

In the past I never would have made quiche without cheese and sausage. Same goes twice as much for anything called pizza. My crust even when homemade in the past was much more oily.
My cooking methods have also changed, the chicken would have been fried in oil, and the pie cooked directly on a greesed cooking sheet or pan.

I'd like to experiment further with more varieties of fresh herbs.

Another thing, I'm sure I would have cut it in 4 rather than 6, and possibly have had two pieces. So. portion control is something I am getting a grasp on. The side salad would likely have been ceasar or greek in the past, both with more CHEESE, and lots of dressing. I also would have drank 3-4 glasses of milk with this meal. That used to be normal for me. Learning to enjoy water with meals has to have been one of the biggest changes I have made since joining weight watchers.

lists

Things I can do and am proud of because of what I have already lost:
my hips and knees don't hurt so much
I can sit with my legs nicely crossed
when I get out of the shower I can wrap a towel around myself comfortably
better sex
I'm proud of what I look like
I don't get puffed on the stairs
playing on the floor with the kids is more fun (and its easier to get up!)
I don't seem to sweat as much
my cooking has more variety of taste and styles
I can tell the difference between hungry and sad

Things I miss or regret about the journey so far:
that really full feeling after a comforting meal, I still experience it occasionally but I don't enjoy it anymore
I'm discouraged that I can't loose at the same rate I was early on
never having enough clothes that fit :)

Things I'm looking forward to at goal (71kg):
Buying my clothes in the regular stores and benefiting from nice styles and nice prices
changing peoples first impressions of me

Things I'm not looking forward to:
I'm afraid people with think I hated myself the old way
I'm afraid my sister will hate me


I need more in the things I'm looking forward too. Any suggestions?